The Book of Bob

Chapter 1: You don't do well what you don't do all the time.

This principle applies to any new enterprise, a church starting a youth group, a husband to busy to do family very often, and our spiritual lives. (Romans 12:7-8)

Chapter 2: Triangles put people in corners.

This is one of the most destructive and common forces in families ruining many great relationships and making everyone feel powerless. "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother." (Matthew 18:24)

Chapter 3: Inflicting others with too many sharp points makes for an empty dance card... even though they are true (a little porcupine humor).

The temptation to make pointed statements is at times overwhelming and often becomes the undoing of all we attempt to maintain in a relationship. Jesus could have pointed to his hands and side when he met the disciples pointing out how much He had suffered for them even though they had abandoned him, but instead he welcomed them into relationship with, "Peace be unto you." (John 20:19) Dress yourself in too many good points and intimacy will become a delicate and frightening art. This principle is especially true when trying to justify a behavior or defend your reputation to anyone.

I wonder what kind of therapy Jesus could have sought out for his abandonment issues if He had been born today? You think He didn't have any. Have you ever wonder why?

Chapter 4: Blessed are the flexible who have backbone.

Flexibility is good for those who have the strength to stand but are willing to bend. Doormats see no other choice than to lay themselves down to be walked upon. Servanthood gives up freedom willingly for the joy of the relationship that will come. Jesus "made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men." (Philippians 2:7) You know you have achieved a spirit of servanthood when are you treated like a slave and you don't complain or care.

Chapter 5: Any jerk can look like a lover, until they are tested.

Excuses to withhold love abound. Some of the most creative writing is done on this subject shifting responsibility. Anyone can claim love, but it is the one without excuses who is able to give it at all times. Judas said, "Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor?" (John 12:5-6)

Chapter 6: Love only means something when it is hard to love.

When love is hard to give, stories are written, people are inspired, lives are changed and something of God is seen in mankind. "For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God." (1 Peter 2:20)

Chapter 7: Forgiveness is for giving. You haven't forgiven until you can give.

Forgive and forget is not usually possible nor is it what God has called us to do. Forgiveness changes the memory from burden to redemption. It can remember the price and not have buyers remorse. Forgiveness does not forgive and divorce the person from memory. Forgiveness makes possible the freedom to be giving. Forgiveness forgets in the sense that it is not brought up again. It is not easy. It is costly and all attempts at sharing the cost missing the point of forgiveness. Forgiveness is paid for by the one forgiving. Forgiveness can only be given to others as with stand aware of God's forgiveness for our own lives. "Freely ye have received, freely give." (Matthew 10:8)

Chapter 8: As joggers who are afraid of dogs run in a way that causes dogs to chase them, so our fears are self-fulfilling prophecies.

When we have fear, we behave in a way that causes the very thing we fear to occur, and we don't enjoy the jogging of life. This principle is played out in families, churches, and businesses everyday. Joggers with a fear of dogs behave in a way that causes more dogs to chase them. The same thing can be said about someone who is afraid that a church may not be friendly to them. They will show up late, sit in the back and leave just a few minutes early proving that it was an unfriendly place. Of course they were also greeted at the door by greeters (that is their job so it doesn't count). They were greeted by ushers (this also is their job). They were greeted by people who sat in the next row in front of them (the pastor told them to greet each other so this doesn't count). Someone did say "Hello" as they left but that was inconvenient and already too late. " "For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me." (Job 3:25)

Chapter 9: Grace is always more than we can measure, but grace is not above being measured.

God's grace did not meet us and just restore Paradise Lost, but gave to us what we never had before the offense. Giving God's grace does more than forgive. Forgiveness makes it possible to give grace: giving to others what they never had before they offended us. "Bless those who curse you and pray for those who despitefully use you." (Luke 6:28 Romans 12:14) Grace will always do more and can be seen.

An example of resistance to measuring grace is the person who says they don't keep track of what they give because it is given by grace. I have never met a person yet who says that and actually gives more than 10% tithe and actually IS a giver. Giving counts after we surrender the tithe which belongs to God. Another example of resistance to measuring grace is the person who says to his wife, "Honey I'd fly to the moon for you" yet he refuses to go to the curb with the trash. Grace would not only go to the curb with the trash but thank his wife for asking! Grace is always more...

Chapter 10: Sin breeds sin after its own kind.

When a person becomes angry, that very anger is likely to seed anger in others. When a person becomes selfish, that very attitude in his or her behavior will provoke selfishness in others.

Chapter 11: Hair is for wearing, not for splitting.

Too many split hairs makes for a naked head. What may seem like a fine art of rightly divided the hairs of truth is viewed by others to be naked social ignorance. I know that some people feel that God gave knit to pick; however, separating fine points will separate the best of friends.

Chapter 12: You don't do well what you haven't seen done.

If a person in my office is given four steps for resolving conflicts in a simple presentation, all the facts may be understood, but the application of those four steps will be difficult to do until an illustration of how to do it is seen. So, I find it important to practice in my office the behaviors that I assign for the week. If a couple have never seen anyone resolve an issue, they will have a difficult time learning the necessary skills.

Chapter 13: When the emotions are high, the facts don't count.

Listen first and then talk to the heart using words that show feeling and compassion. Being understanding is more important than understanding and you being understood. Information gathering is kind than information judging.

Chapter 14: God helps those who help the poor. (See the miracle stories at the Craftsmen for Christ page.

Chapter 15: Maturity is difficult only when it is really needed